star child

THE ESATSANG AND BABALORISHA:
i couldnt believe what i had heard
but i made myself listen
i forced myself to listen,
when it felt redundant and stagnant.
did i hear this right?
i played it back again.
and listened, again. then my heart saddened.
i turned it off. sat quietly.
contemplated this reality.
i am a woman, in this incarnation.
this was the 2nd man in 2days to tell me
i could not find enlightenment without a “master”
yet smiled and called me “daughter, lover, goddess, ‘enlightened soul”
and wanted my complete submission, my complete faithful devotion and trust
in them for me. They want to speak to God for me and then tell me what God
is saying for me.

well i declared “im a star child” where i come from this is unheard of..
i still have my memories. I still have this inside of me.

i have nothing to hide
and have told my life story to many.
i have bared my shadows and flaws
my naked truths without shame.
so i now i look to the Sun
daughter of ra has always been my name.
my ex husband knows this well,
he’s still in love to this day.
i have books unpublished
baring  my heart between the pages
i bear my heart.

i thought if i just walk quietly
make no footprints i’d stay unnoticed.
and man could continue on his quest.
do whatever he wants without my disturbing his flow.
only i couldnt.keep quiet.

MY FACEBOOK STATUS:
then there was a huge debate over a ‘few’ words i posted in my status
i am walking in my truth, even if it is not the norm,even if its not your truth
im walking away free from the dogma,
free from  the illusion, and yet im called arrogant, but im not the one angry
ready to debate ANYONE, all i want to do is be left alone lol and find
the deepest part of myself to express while loving you and everyone.
i detach myself from your drama and illusion and yet i love you deeply.
while i learn to free myself and just be.. oneness.

so i took a bath
after feeling the pains of this needless debate.
cause really its all about what “we” believe in
and even now i cant separate me from us
i from you, i am from  we are.
each man and woman locked or freed from the matrix of our collective mind.
and i dont care if you like me or not. i’d rather be free of judgment and the prison of your mind.

MY BATH:
i put seamoss in that water
and spirulina and ash
drank some even.
the candle burning til I said outloud
i dont care what you think, then saw a dark shadow
out the corner of my eye. it startled me but Im a Lioness
and grabbed the candle closer to my water, without fear.
started singing “if you’re in Higher Vibrations of Love,
I need you but if youre Lower Vibrations get the Fuck out!”
and laughed
placing my head further in the water that smelled like the Ocean.
and sang louder
in that darkness of the my Ocean a river of songs came rushing out.
and i found my Voice…

it took me to walk in my Truth to Find my Voice.

6.12.11.riatakharu.